Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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