You're my little dorito
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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