I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
nutella sex= disaster
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
