I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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