Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
