Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
