And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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