Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
