I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
