i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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