so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
