Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
