we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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