Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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