You made me cry and you don't even care
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I can't put those talents on a resume
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
