WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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