They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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