Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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