My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
