Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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