Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
