I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
