This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
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