it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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