He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I need moral support for this bender
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
