No stitches, just platelets and will power
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
