I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
