He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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