For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
