I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
