you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
