I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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