Your tits are I can't wait for
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
3 2 1 whiskey
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
