didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
