And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
