why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
