I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
