My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
