Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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