somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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