Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
