Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(951): View more from California

Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down

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(716): View more from New York

Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her

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(607): View more from New York

I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.

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(720): View more from Colorado

No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.

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(636): View more from Missouri

Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?

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(352): View more from Florida

I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.

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(707): View more from California

starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.

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(214): View more from Texas

He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina

(817): View more from Texas

Marry him NOW

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