I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
even my farts smell like vagina
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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