so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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