ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
