I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
