i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
They took my balls.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
