I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
