I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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