I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
