Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
