I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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