Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
