do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
