he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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