i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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