suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
