I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
